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 Jokes
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The
clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next
day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated,
the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time,
she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve
blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly
and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
Are You Really Sure?A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to
the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke,
you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy
sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler.
Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not
if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Blonde Car AccidentOne day, while a blonde was out driving
her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He
took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious,
he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he
smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed
her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles
and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
Rowing Your BoatTwo
blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The
driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"
To this, the
other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."
Blonde Sky DiversA blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls
the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of
the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
Question and answer blonde jokesQ: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and
shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a
blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns
it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going
to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both
sides of a piece of paper
Turn back your car odometer
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer
because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.
The
brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."
"That doesn't
matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."
"Alright," replied the brunette.
In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell
him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your
car."
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.
About one month
after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"
"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I?
It only has 40,000 miles on it."
Three blonds on death row
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two
guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner
shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around.
She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last
requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet
again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out
what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no,
and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Don't give us a bad nameThere
was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the
blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat
rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim
I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
Did you hear about the blond?Did you hear about the blonde
who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the
"Vacant" sign up?
Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?
Did you hear about the
blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas,
wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip
poker?
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
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